Adventures in hugs.

Today we went to the mall to see Clifford and Santa. This did not go the way I envisioned. So instead of going on and on about how I had hoped for a different event I will say what I'm grateful that it has taught me. I am blessed because even though my son was over-stimulated and tuned into his mama being upset with other people, he needed me to feel safe and happy again. It doesn't matter that he did not have any desire to dance along or even sit in the seat. What matters is that by the end of the day he is happy and giggling.

After we left the mall we went to visit daddy. When we got close to his work he started saying Daddy Work! over and over. Seeing his joy when he is with my husband makes all the difference in the world. We are a family and that means we stay beside each other. I have lots to learn and every new experience is a way for us to figure out what we all need to get through the day.

We are so lucky to be with this beautiful boy and that is more important then people not understanding us or him. In fact all we can do is pray for the people who are not as blessed as we are.

Adventures in love

Love is a word that we throw around with not much thought about what it can mean to another person. Loving a a child in the way of being a parent is more overwhelming then any love I have ever felt. Without a shadow of a doubt I love my family and my husband, yet somehow this feels much different. It is truly perfect and terrifying to have this sense of concern, happiness and hope for a little person.

On Friday morning we picked up little guy and drove back home. I think in some ways we were both nervous because we wanted him to be comfortable and enjoy his time home with us. Auntie T called and was ready for us to make it home so that she and Q could come over and meet him for the first time. I hoped the dogs did not drive him insane and that he would like his room. Instantly he burst into the house and was immediately comfortable. He loved his room and the cars stuff that we had picked out from the store with him the Saturday before.

We all settled in and took it pretty easy for the weekend. Playing at the park, going to the store, cooking dinner and all of the normal stuff that a family does. That is when it clicked with me, we were doing the normal stuff. Being a family felt right. Watching my husband respond to someone yelling Daddy to play, melted my heart in a million different ways.

Yesterday we had to take him back in the morning and it about ripped my heart out of my chest. We kept happy faces and did everything possible to make it a happy pass off. Everyone is trying to be encouraging and remind us that he will be home soon. The closest that I can explain is that imagine that you go to the hospital, give birth, spend three day and then are told you need to leave and can come back and do the same in four days. It hurts. We are doing our very to make this transition home to be everything it should and to pace.
Praying for an early move home. Not being a family during the 4 days of the middle of the week is hard, but we are remembering that we are a family.

All of the adventures of catching up!

It seems as though the blog has taken a back seat to all of our new schedules. I will try my best to start from the very beginning. That beginning comes with meeting our son. There are still not appropriate words to explain it all.


Day 1:
We drive and drive and finally arrive to the venue in which we would be meeting V for the first time. As the car pulls up it was hard to even breathe. So many thoughts started racing from what if he doesn't like us to what if I (Brandy) cry like a baby. We met with his FCM and she was just excited as we were to finally have this meeting take place. Then pulls up the car with our son happily in the back seat. It truly was love from sight one. He ran straight to the FCM and had a huge hug. Then they walked over to us and we got to finally see our little guy. Suddenly all of the racing thoughts went away and the world started moving around this amazing human. We all went and chatted for a few moments and then we got to take him off by ourselves. To say that V was loving and responsive feels completely short of how amazingly we all moved with each other. We started reading some books and he kept holding Matt's hand and giggling with me. This day could have gone on forever with no complaints from us. The hour raced by and then it was time to go because V had school. As we were leaving we took our first family photo. There are few things in this world that truly have a ton of importance to me but let me tell you that picture will be treasured.


Day 2: Thankfully we got to go back the second day because day one was a short visit. This was roughly a two hour visit in a play area of a fast food place. V ate like a growing guy and had no problems letting us help him when he needed it. We played and played. As he was crawling around the tunnels with Matt he would just giggle . I went to talk with his foster mom and let Matt have some Dad and V time. She was really great with information that will help us with the transition and just generally stuff about him. I, then learned that during daddy time, Matt thought it was a good idea to teach V to go head first down the slide. I'm going to have to remember to not think about what goes on during dad time. Again, just like the first visit our time ended very quickly and they were off.


There are many ups and downs that come with adopting. While we have been blessed from minute one to work with really great people, it still takes twists and turns. This past Monday we had a visit scheduled but due to some unforeseen conflicts did not get to visit. It is hard to miss the time but we have to be patient that the day is going to come very soon that he will be home forever. This Saturday we will get to spend our first whole day with just the three of us! We are of course a bit nervous because we want it to go well and want to know that we can meet all of us his needs. 


Part of journey in parenting V will be helping him achieve everything that he can go grow and become. Due to the fact that he is moderately verbal it is going to present us with finding many different ways for him and us to communicate. It is scary and exciting. No matter what happens we know that we are going to go through it all together and that this little person is the perfect fit to our family. 


While trying to decide what we need in order to have our lives ready became the decision of what our work schedules are going to mean for V. After many discussions we have decided that I will be staying home. It will mean that we have to be a little bit tighter with finances but honestly it is the best for all of us. I will continue to finish my degree and be able to enjoy the day to day moments with our son. We are really lucky that Matt works with a great company that will be flexible in allowing him to be an active dad. Truly at this moment it feels as though our dreams are really coming true.

Schedules, names and driving.

You may be wondering what our latest news is with the insanity that is our lives. We are happy to announce that the news is really fantastic. Yesterday we were lucky enough to receive our visitation schedule and it is way better then we could have ever expected. As long as everything goes smoothly and our weekend visits go without a major hitch little V is set to move home on Dec. 23. Talk about an amazing Christmas present for both of us. The schedule includes lots of hanging out for short times and then a mix of really long weekends until the move in date. For the first time in many years I cannot wait for Christmas to get here because we will have our child to share it with. We are all crossing our fingers that there is some cousin love ahead and not a disaster zone:)


I was thinking a lot about V's name and how we stressed and stressed about how we wanted to be able to name our child. Let me tell you folks that when you are adopting and you see the picture or get the call that you are chosen to be parents, the last thing that matters is the name. In some ways we are lucky because we actual like his name though it could not be farther from something we would have actually chosen. Our plan is to give him a new middle name and big shocker it will be after Matt. All and in all the sadness about naming V suddenly went away. We may never find a cup with his name on it or souvenirs from family trips but it fits him.


One last big thing that I have been thinking about is the amount of driving that we will be doing during our visits. We really need to come up with some way to not let these hours go by without still being some sort of bonding time. The problem being that I get crazy car sick after awhile and will not be much of fun mom in the car. So if anyone has fun car games that do not involve reading in the car, we are all up for suggestions:) Keep in mind he is five. We may resort to the DVD player if he totally hates it. So please send along your wonderful ideas.

Wordless Wednesday

A wonderful lady named Katie who also blogs does an occasional Wordless Wednesday and because I think  it is a wonderful idea,I will start doing the same. So here goes!

Our Son.

This is not something that we are used to saying AT ALL. I am waiting for the moment that we say our son and V is right beside us. Everything is new, exciting and scary. If all works out as planned we should be meeting V later this week. We cannot even explain how much we want to just sit in the same room with him and hear him play and watch him move around. Every time that I walk down the hallway upstairs I think about how the room at the end of the hall is now the room for our son.


I truly understand how when people become parents all of the things that seemed so big and worrisome no longer matter. When Ms. M told us that we had been chosen for V, my whole life just shifted. When we are making decisions it is  with the goal of how it will affect life with the little guy. Our biggest joy will be introducing him to his family and friends.


Telesa and I went to Babies R Us to start a registry because we have been asked by folks if we will register somewhere for gifts. I started crying as we were filling out the papers because this was something that I had in some ways convinced myself would never happen. It was such a blessing to be able to just scan for an ear thermometer. As you can imagine Telesa was horrified that my tears would not stop flowing. I just kindly reminded her that she had a few pyscho moments in Babies R Us when she was pregnant with Q.


I cannot wait to tell everyone about how our visit goes and what it is going to be like to go through these holidays as parents. When I think about how adoption is different it makes me think of a few things that are just amazing and they go like this:


1. I do not have to wait 9mths to meet my son.
2. I do not have to go through labor and Matt gets to avoid the hospital.
3. Our child will always be able to know that we chose him and the world chose us to find him.
4. That he will come with an amazing foster family that will be extended family to us.


Oh, there are a tons of reasons why I cannot be happier about adoption but those are the big ones. Who knows the way our family will grow but one thing we know for sure is that our hearts are bursting with love and excitement for V.

Blogging through tears.

Okay, so first I have to say that the comments,phone calls and texts mean the world. Thank you for all of the love that is being sent our way. At this moment there are so many emotions that take place and are impossible to really explain in a way that makes any of you feel the extent of our happiness. I can only imagine that this is how most of the parents reading this felt at the first ultrasound that was during the safe time. 


All I have ever wanted in life is to be a mom. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to be the person that was able to be there and help a little person grow and learn. The older I got and the struggles that I went through with fertility made that dream feel so far out of reach. Part of my "growing up goals" included being a mom before 30. As the months of been clicking along, I did not think it was going to happen. Turns out I was very wrong. 


So now there is the whats next question...and that is a little tricky because there are all kinds of laws for the protection of the child's privacy, our privacy and that of the foster family. So to start we will go and meet V next week and then we start regular visits. When those are going well then we will get an overnight. Our hope is that he transitions well enough to move home at winter break.


After he is with us for five months then we can petition the court to adopt him. To clear up any worries now he is being placed as an adoption placement. Mostly that part is just all of the legal changes of an adopted child. 


The important part is that we get to meet him  and play with him and establish a relationship that brews in your heart the second you learn about them. We are going to be parents!! I am pretty sure that the hearing the word mom and dad is going to make me cry for a few days at very least.




Here are the things we have learned so far:
1. He is five.
2. He loves all things with wheels.
3. He is great eater and not picky (thank goodness)
4. The school bus is the highlight of the day.
5. That he will be the most important part of our universe.


Life is full of blessings.